April has officially come and gone faster than the blink of an eye. I’m sitting outside at my picnic table on the lanai, knowing full well that I’ll only be able to write one more blog out here before we leave. It feels like I’m standing in a doorway—one foot still planted in the life we’ve built here, and the other inching toward whatever comes next. I’m still very much living in two separate worlds right now: my current life and my future life. They aren’t quite coming together in my head yet, but the transition is coming whether I can visualize it or not. My house is a mess, and I am wildly unprepared for the transition of our belongings from here to our next stop, but it will be OK.

And even with all that swirling in the background, April still managed to be full.

We kicked off the events of April by going to see ‘Auana, the Hawaii-themed Cirque du Soleil show. It was a lovely show, filled with local culture, storytelling, and music. Ivey was a little intimidated by the auditorium–they are typically louder than she prefers. With some patience, reassurance, and a promise I will cover her ears as long as needed, we made it inside. By mid-show she was captivated and comfortable. I was especially moved by the finale performance, where they had the whole cast playing Hawaiian instruments, speaking and singing in ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi (the indigenous Polynesian language of the Hawaiian Islands), and had the auditorium lit up with the colors of the rainbow. It seemed to be really thoughtfully put together, bringing in local talent and honoring mo‘olelo (Native Hawaiian stories). I am really glad to see that the sharing of traditional Hawaiian culture has evolved from being forbidden to being celebrated and on display. I loved being able to see the show and I look forward to seeing the new and exciting ways Polynesians are able to share their history and culture with the rest of us.

Aulani Magic

Our next big adventure came in the form of a gift from my friends and Ivey’s Auntie Jennifer and Uncle David. They wanted to do something kind for Ivey and I, so Jennifer took us to Disney Aulani to have breakfast with the Disney characters. We started the morning by going to see Mickey! He greeted us with warm hugs and lots of smiles. After some solid Mickey time, we made it to our table. We had fresh fruit and malasadas (Portuguese donuts), yummy fruit juice, and some stellar Mickey and Minnie pancakes. Throughout our breakfast, we ran into Chip and cheeky Dale. Those silly chipmunks sure did try to cause some trouble! Dale snatched a stitch Stitch toy clear off Jennifer’s shoulder and nearly tossed it across the room! Chip was sweet and really made Ivey feel special. Minnie made her way over and was sweet as pie, posing for pictures and making sure we were having a good time. It was such a fun morning and we are so grateful for the experience—thank you Jennifer and David!

Earth Day Exploration

Later in the month, we celebrated Earth Day, which always brings its own special events around here.

Ivey’s grade took a field trip to the local Baby Makapu’u Tidepools. All parents were invited to join, so it was a morning of searching, screaming, fun, and friends. These kids are brilliant finders! We spent a few hours at the tidepools and found octopus, urchins, flying fish, shrimp, starfish, crabs, and so so much more!

One of my favorite things that we learned from her time at school is the tradition of an ʻoli. It is a traditional chant that in this case is used to establish a respectful connection with the environment, ask permission to enter a sacred space, and announce one’s intentions. It acts as a protocol to gain entry to places like forests or coasts while honoring ancestral spirits and the land’s energy (mana). It’s quite spiritual and it is something the kids do every time they engage with nature. The kids all come together to sing “E Ho Mai”, a chant used to ask for knowledge and wisdom. It’s so moving to see the respect and reverence taught to the kids at this young age. I took a video of the kids singing it, but for privacy, please enjoy this YouTube video of the E Ho Mai chant.

I always appreciate being able to participate in these events with the kids. I feel like I am learning right beside them and I have noticed a shift in the way I think about the land in Hawaii. I wish more people had access to this type of experience. I am definitely taking some of this indigenous wisdom and appreciation with us in our future stops.

A Kauai Send‑Off

We rounded out the end of the month with a farewell celebration for me and my colleague, Laura. We are both retiring from government work within a few weeks of each other. We work with such a lovely team of people, and those of us that could, took a day trip to the island of Kauai to send me and Laura off with a bang… or a splash! I let Ivey play hooky from school so she could join us, bringing the total to five people.

As soon as we arrived in Kauai, we ate breakfast at Kauai Diner, the cutest hometown diner with killer ube pancakes, and then managed to find Wailua Falls, a giant two-tiered waterfall. We had a little time to spare before our tubing adventure so we went to find Kapaia Swinging Bridge, a spot associated with sugar plantation history. While we were there, it was Golden Week, which includes celebrating Children’s Day. Japanese immigrants brought the tradition of Children’s Day to Hawaii in the late 1800’s, when they came to work on plantations. During Golden Week, people will hang carp-shaped windsocks (koinobori) outside to represent members of their family. The tradition is still going strong–the Kapaia Swinging Bridge had hundreds of koinobori blowing in the wind! It was quite a sight to see everything blowing around and the rushing of the Kapaia stream underneath. Ivey loved shaking the bridge and found good company, with everyone finding their silliness early in the trip.

Then it was time to go river tubing through the historic Lihue sugarcane Plantation! The plantation is no longer producing, but the vast ditch and tunnel system that once irrigated sugar crops is now an exciting and beautiful ride. The water originates near the top of Mount Waialeale, one of the wettest spots in the world, and boy is it chilly refreshing! We each had our own tubes, helmets, headlamps, gloves, and water shoes. We floated, bumped, and spun our way through tunnels and down the river. It was a really fun and relaxing time! Quite the send-off, if you ask me. I could not have asked for a better group of people to call my work family. They have truly taken care of me and Ivey and I could not be more grateful for their hearts and their energy. As much as I have a hard time being “celebrated”, this was a lovely way to surround me and Ivey with love and great memories. I will miss them so much ❤

Closing a Chapter: Kickball Edition

And speaking of chapters closing, there was one more that felt especially bittersweet.

Along the lines of closing chapters with people that I love, I have officially finished my last season of kickball. I have been playing kickball for probably ten of my 18 years on Oahu. I spent a few years playing in a social league in Honolulu, and most recently playing in an all-women’s adult league on the marine base that I live on. For eleven seasons (or ten? I can’t keep track!), I have been playing with the Spouses Hawaii Area Kickball Association (SHAKA) league, starting with one team, but spending nine straight seasons playing with All the Signal Ladies team, sponsored by 3rd Radio Battalion. We call ourselves the Signal Ladies, and the women that I have been so lucky to play with have been a crucial part of my story. I have met some of the most incredible people in this league, but even more so on this team. There is truly something special about adult women supporting and lifting each other, running around outside, laughing, dancing, yelling, kicking, teasing, taunting, and existing joyfully in the same place. There were some seasons that were tougher than others, some personalities that I could do without, and definitely drama that didn’t need to happen, but overall, I am so grateful for the opportunity to make lifelong friends, and spend my Sundays with these women. Ivey sure hated every minute of my time at kickball–she spent a lot of time playing in the air conditioned car, asking if we can go home yet. I am hoping she took away how valuable and important it is for adults, and especially women to make time for ourselves and have fun. This season, I was sent off with the traditional and emotional “last kick” ceremony, where we take a special lap around the bases and are celebrated with lei, hugs, and farewells. Additionally, this season I was honored with being selected to play in the All-Star tournament, as well as being voted as the league Sweetheart. I am honored to be so seen and so loved by these women. Thank you to my Signal Ladies for being my cheerleaders, support systems, and especially my friends. Thank you to all my other kickball friends for your love and kindness.

Holding Joy and Grief Together

While this month held so much fun and activity, there’s also a quiet sadness sitting just under the surface. I’ve been thinking a lot about grief and all the things Ivey and I will be missing. I’ll be grieving the loss of a large part of my adult identity, the stability and care of being a service member, the built‑in community at every location, and the place where I spent my entire adult life. I’ll miss the incredible community I’ve been able to build here, among so many other things.

Ivey will be grieving the loss of her childhood home, the island life she may have loved more than she realized, the school and families who shaped her, and really everything she has ever known. And all of this sits on top of the grief we both carry after losing her father last year.

I don’t know exactly how this next wave of grief will show up. What I do know is that we’ll have each other, and we’ll make space for the sadness when it comes. There is so much gratitude woven into our lives and experiences, and we’re deeply privileged to have lived the life we have here. And even through the heaviness, there is still so much joy to be found — not to erase the grief, but to help us keep moving forward as we find our next version of normal.

So we’ll take our memories, our grief, our gratitude, and each other, and begin again from there.